The open adoption process is both a blessing and one of the hardest parts of the birth mother’s journey. Many mothers don’t know this is an option at first, and it leaves them torn on what to do. Open adoptions are typically more healthy for the birth and adoptive parents, but many questions must be answered before the agreement can be mutually beneficial. A birth mother’s top concern is how and how often will she communicate with her child.
Communicating with your child after an adoption is different for every family. Some adoptive parents prefer communication to be one-way, where they send updates on the child but the birth mother doesn’t communicate back. Others want the birth parents to be very involved, and more than happy to make accommodations for the birth parents’ reciprocal communication. It all depends on what you want, and how important an open adoption is to your pregnancy plan.
Adoption Choices of Texas Serving Expectant Parents Statewide Expectant Parent Hotline (24/7): 855-304-4673 (HOPE)
Here’s what one birth mother says about communicating to her child after adoption:
“From the moment I held my baby girl for the first time, I knew I wanted to be a part of her life. I had discussed an open adoption agreement with her adoptive parents, but told myself if I changed my mind I could always ask to close the communication.
But, when I first saw her, I knew I wanted to see her grow up. I wanted to help her parents know as much about her family history as possible. And I wanted her to know how much I would love her every single day.
When I left the hospital I left the parents with a folder of my information, pictures, and a letter to them thanking them for loving my daughter. For the first few weeks, I grieved heavily, not wanting to socialize and feeling torn about looking at her baby photos. Then one day, as I was picturing holding her again, I decided to write a letter.
It was short and simple. I didn’t get into my family history, or much into my personal life. All I wanted to tell her is how much I loved her, and everything I was feeling the first few weeks without her. It was then I decided I would write to her more often. I wanted to tell her about myself throughout life, rather than telling it all in one letter.
I’ve written a few since, and each of them ends with me telling her how precious she is, and how much I still love her every day.”
Writing to your baby is a powerful healing tool, and will allow you to give the love you feel for your child when they grow up. Even if you decide not to send every letter, you can still write them and use them throughout your birth mother journey. The emotions you discover on paper will show the unbreakable bond between you and your child.
Adoption Choices of Texas open adoptions vary in their terms of agreement. The post-placement agreement will be outlined before placement to ensure that all parties are on the same page. The post-placement agreement in Texas may include frequency of contact and types of contact. Frequency and type of contact depend upon the preferences and circumstances of the birth mother and the adoptive parents. It will also be important to keep in mind that while this document guides birth mothers and adoptive families, that does not necessarily mean that it is set in stone. As the child grows up, and circumstances and situations evolve, a birth mother and the adoptive parents may desire to change frequency and type of contact in their open adoption.
Adoption Choices of Texas Serving Expectant Parents Statewide Expectant Parent Hotline (24/7): 855-304-4673 (HOPE)
