Should I Buy My Child’s Adoptive Parents a Gift?
The holidays are that wonderful, yet sometimes stressful time of year, where we can give those we care about something special to show just how much we love and appreciate them. Giving someone you care for a genuine gift that comes from the heart is one of the true joys in life, and every year, the holidays are a great opportunity to carry out this special tradition. However, as a birth mother, you may be feeling a certain amount of stress about gift-giving this year. You may be wondering:
Should I buy my child’s adoptive parents a gift?
- What Kind of Adoption do You Have?
Depending on what kind of adoption you have will impact your answer to this question. There are three main types of adoption that a birth mother can have: open, semi-open, and closed.
With a closed adoption, it may be difficult for you to give your child’s adoptive parents a gift this holiday season. A closed adoption is an agreement between the birth mother and adoptive parents where there is no contact or any identifying information (phone numbers, emails, and addresses) shared. However, if you have an open or semi-open adoption agreement with your adoptive parents, giving them a gift may be an option for you. You will have some form of identifying information for you to send or arrange a way to give them a gift. This could be through mailing them a gift or setting up an in-person visit.
- Have a Conversation
One of the most important things to consider when debating on if you should send your child’s adoptive parents a gift is whether or not it is something both parties are comfortable with.
If you are planning on meeting with the adoptive parents, have an open and honest conversation about what each of you wants from this adoption. During this discussion, it may be beneficial for you to discuss what level of contact you would like to have with not only your child but the adoptive parents as well. What is the extent of contact you are both willing to agree upon? What are your boundaries?
It is okay for you to be honest during these conversations. Your adoption team at Adoption Choices of Texas will work with you to make sure that your needs and wishes are met during these conversations. Talk with the adoptive parents about whether or not gift giving for your child and the parents is something they are comfortable with. If they are open to it, discuss options for you to give the gift of gratitude to them.
- Will it be Beneficial to Your Mental Health?
There is something important for you to consider when contemplating if giving your child’s adoptive parents is a good decision for you: how will this affect my mental wellbeing?
Giving your child’s adoptive parents a gift for the holidays is a great way to show them your gratitude for all they have done for you and your child. However, it is important to think about how it will affect you in doing so. By giving a gift to your child’s adoptive parents and possibly having contact with them, will this bring up feelings of loss and grief for you? Could this potentially cause you to feel overwhelming sadness during an already stressful time?
This answer is different for every birth mother. Many birth mothers can give gifts to adoptive parents and their children with no issues surfacing. But, for many birth mothers, this can cause old feelings of grief, loss, and stress to resurface. Think deeply about if the decision to give a gift to your child’s adoptive parents and potentially have some form of contact with them could harm your mental wellbeing. There is no right or wrong answer! If it is not something you feel comfortable doing, that is valid and perfectly understandable!
Should I Buy My Child’s Adoptive Parents a Gift?
The holidays are a wonderful, yet sometimes stressful time of year, where we can give those we care about something special. Giving someone you care for a genuine gift that comes from the heart is one of the true joys in life. No matter what you celebrate during the holidays, gift giving is one of the best aspects of this time of year.
It’s natural to wonder as a birth mother: Should I buy my child’s adoptive parents a gift? Your answer depends greatly on your circumstances. Do you have an open or semi-open adoption where having contact with your child’s adoptive parents is something you are comfortable with? Will it be beneficial or detrimental to you? Will it cause feelings of grief and sadness to resurface?
No matter what you choose this holiday season, what is most important is what you are comfortable with and what makes you happy!
As an expectant woman or birth parent, to learn more about adoption, contact Adoption Choices of Texas. You can call us at 888-307-3340, text us at 888-307-3340, or email us here. If you are hoping to adopt, please visit us here. We look forward to helping you through your adoption journey!
Meet the Author: Sarah Henderson can best be described as someone with an eclectic taste in all things related to literacy and writing. She can be found reading a wide array of subjects from true crime novels to the next young adult fantasy series. Because of her love of literature, it has been Sarah’s dream to become a novelist herself.
After graduating from college in 2019, Sarah has been spending her time planning, researching and writing for her first novel. When she isn’t reading or writing her novel, you can find Sarah out for her early morning run, hiking a three-plus mile hike or cooking her favorite vegan meal. She presently lives in Indianapolis, IN and is waiting for the next chapter of her life to begin!