And then there is Mother’s Day…
A day we all can appreciate as each of us were born to a mother.
For adoption, we stop and acknowledge our birth mother AND/OR our adoptive mother. It can be a day of so many mixed emotions. We found this post from Rabbi Rachel Weiss which sums it up so well on her Facebook…
As Facebook, shops, and ads inundate us with a focus on Mother’s Day, a few thoughts:
I am thinking about those for whom a day focused on mothers is painful, complicated and complex. Of those in our community who have fraught relationships with mothers, who wanted to have children and because of infertility, miscarriage, or a myriad of other reasons did not or could not. I am thinking about the single dads and the gay dads for whom issues around “mother” is complex, or renders them invisible. I am thinking about those who placed children for adoption, and those who are adopted and have complex relationships with their birth mothers, and this day is full of loss. I am thinking about single mothers and two-mom households, for whom Mother’s Day is not a day of caretaking but rather just another day of being responsible for getting everything done. I am thinking about those who didn’t care for motherhood, and feel ambivalent about this day. I am thinking of those who chose not to become mothers and feel shamed by those who assume this should have been part of their lives. I am thinking about stepmothers who struggle with the balance between mothering and not and whether this day is for them. I am thinking about those who have recently lost mothers with whom they were dearly connected, and this is a day of memory and grief.
As we think about the way we want to honor people in our lives, let us also recognize the ways in which we unintentionally exclude or assume that everyone is celebrating.
To those who find this day meaningful, may it be as meaningful as you want and need it to be. For those for whom this day is troubling, may it be as gentle and compassion-filled as you need it to be.
We know these sentiments might resonate with so many of you.
For many, this day is a deep struggle and we pour our love over you. Adoption is complicated and filled with ups and downs that nobody truly has control over.
Yet, we leave you with the happy side of this beautiful day with our hearts filled with joy for all of the women who will be celebrating Mother’s Day for the first time!! Congratulations and bless your family.
Happy Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day to all of our moms and birth moms through adoption (don’t forget to reach out and show your child’s first mom some love) and to all the moms-to-be!