How can I Support a Birth Mother through the Adoption Process?
You notice, for the past couple of days, that your daughter has been acting strange. She seems to be more stressed, lost in thought more often, and a bit jumpier. It’s as if she is hiding something. You keep an eye on her to make sure she is alright and try to figure out what is wrong without asking, hoping that she will come tell you. Then, one night before bed, she walks up to you with her eyes downcast. She mumbles three soft words that you ask her to repeat. Not entirely because you couldn’t hear her, but because you couldn’t believe it. Then she raises her head and clearly says, “I am pregnant.”
So, your daughter, niece, granddaughter, girlfriend, or best friend has revealed she is pregnant to you. You may have mixed feelings, and accidentally – or purposely – let those confused, muddled feelings on her. Take a step back. Take a breath, and remember: she has options. Her life is not over, nor is yours. At Adoption Choices of Texas, we have some ways that you can support her while still keeping to your opinion.
Listen and Offer Your Adoption Advice and Support Calmly
We all want to be heard, especially when someone so close to us is making decisions that we don’t agree with. Usually, as a result of not being listened to, you may either stay quiet or force your opinion. Perhaps you start a fight or push that person to do the exact opposite of what you said, no matter the consequences.
The best thing that you can do to support a birth mother through the adoption process, however, is to remember that this is her choice. She gets the final say in the end. So, talk to her about her choices and opportunities.
Provide Hope and Safety to the Birth Mother
Another thing you can do is be there for her. Be a listening ear. Make sure that she is doing healthy things — not only for her but also for the baby. She may be stressed and bombarded with negativity with many people’s opinions throughout her adoption journey.
Yet, if you provide hope, comfort, and encouragement to her, you will become her anchor. The person who she knows she can rely on — both in the good times and bad. As a result, your relationship with her will deepen, and your presence will be a reassuring safe haven.
Take Care of Her and Her Adoption Responsibilities
While making sure that she is being safe, offer to help her with her responsibilities. Ask if she’d like moral support when telling the birth father and his family, going to doctor appointments, or keeping up with life. Offer to cook her meals or go grocery shopping for her. To clean her house.
Whatever she needs help with as she is preparing mentally, physically, and emotionally for giving birth — do that. This will greatly reduce her stress and make her feel forever grateful for the extra help. Her decision to place her baby for adoption, then place him or her with a loving adoptive family isn’t an easy choice. It may be difficult to see her struggle and go through the ups and downs of the adoption process. But, by being there for her and helping her out in whatever way she needs, you are allowing her to focus on the adoption process and telling her that you’ve got her every step of the way.
Educate Yourself on Adoption
While your support will be needed to make the life of your loved one a little bit easier, you need to come to terms with her choosing adoption, just as much as she does. Especially if you don’t agree or are struggling with being completely on board with her decision, research and learn all that you can about adoption. Ask her adoption caseworker and doctor questions, if you’re able to attend those appointments. Read about adoption online, and talk to others you know who have been adopted or been impacted by adoption in some way.
This will not only make you feel more prepared to help the birth mother in your life, but it will also help you to feel more relaxed and knowledgeable about what’s going on in her life. Adoption can be a complex, emotional, and stressful journey for both of you. But, the more you know, the more support you’ll be able to provide.
Always Treat the Birth Mother with Respect and Care
A friend or family member has announced that she is unexpectedly pregnant. Before you can digest this information, she says that she has decided to place her baby for adoption. She adds, finally, that she’d like you to be there to support her. Now she’s looking at you, waiting for your response.
Keep in mind that what your loved one has just told you is huge. She has made one of the most selfless and loving choices she can make. This decision is tough in itself, but it can be made even harder when bombarded with negative, hurtful, or even harmful comments. So, whether you agree with the choice or not, always respond with respect and care. Thank her for the honor of choosing you to support her. This will help her feel relaxed, confident and make her heart feel lighter.
How to Support a Birth Mother through the Adoption Process
If there’s one thing to remember when you’re looking to support a birth mother through the adoption process, it’s this: no matter what, be there for her. Love her in the good times and bad. Encourage her to take time to de-stress. Always give her the respect she deserves, and keep an open mind about her choice. Educate yourself about adoption. This will greatly help your relationship with her deepen and ensure that her adoption journey is successful overall.
And always remember: her choosing adoption is not her “giving up” her baby. It’s her doing what she feels is right and ensuring that her baby has their best chance at life!
As an expectant woman or birth parent, to learn more about adoption, contact Adoption Choices of Texas. You can call us at 888-307-3340, text us at 888-307-3340, or email us here. If you are hoping to adopt, please visit us here. We look forward to helping you through your adoption journey!
Meet the Author: Samantha Wilder is 19 years old and writes fictional stories in her pastimes. While focusing on fictional based stories, she has dipped her fingers into many types of writing such as poetry, essays (both personal and factual), and helped friends in the past prep for blogs. Her writing history began in her 6th-grade year but picked up more drive and passion in 8th grade. She shares her work and assistance to her friends and family who join her in her love for writing.