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Dating after adoption: How to talk about adoption

By Carl Roth

Once your adoption plan is complete, returning to the status quo can seem impossible due to your experiences. Perhaps it’s time to make a new normal for yourself and engage in behaviors that serve to fulfill you. Starting to date after an unplanned pregnancy will be a different experience than it was previously. With new priorities and concerns, finding and sharing yourself with a potential partner presents unique challenges for birth mothers. Figuring out how to talk about your adoption past isn’t easy. Knowing when to reveal your personal experiences can seem like a slippery slope. However, there are many ways to prepare yourself to confidently and healthily seek a relationship with adoption as a piece of who you are. Steady persistence and courage will help guide you to a stronger future that includes a loving and accepting significant other. 

Are you looking into pregnant adoption options? If so, we have adoption agencies in Houston, San Antonio, Dallas, Austin, and throughout the rest of Texas. In addition, a private adoption center in Texas is near you, so reach out to learn more about the process. With Adoption Choices of Texas, you can feel comfortable and confident with your pregnancy and your child’s successful placement. 

If you need help with adoption now, you can call us at 888-307-3340, text us at 888-307-3340, or email us here.

Accepting yourself for your choice of adoption and not searching for acceptance

Deciding that you want to get back into dating after putting your baby up for adoption is a wonderfully positive step. However, it’s essential that your reasons for returning to the scene are the right ones. Feeling inadequate or having low self-esteem is not uncommon after having endured a birth mother’s ordeal. Remembering how to love yourself should be a prerequisite for returning. Searching for a relationship with the hopes that it will raise your self-worth is not a recipe for healthy unions. The desire for companionship is a primary motivator for those who find healthy relationships, not seeking validation. Believing that your life has value regardless of your status is a good sign that you’re ready. 

Your unplanned pregnancy experience shouldn’t limit your ambitions, but it can still take time to gather your inner self. Take as much time as you need to find your self-esteem before seriously considering dating options. Feeling desperate for love and value can be detrimental, and everyone has different ways of attaining inner fulfillment. Whether building a healthy routine, getting back into your hobbies, or pursuing new passions, self-love comes in many forms. Accepting all of who you are, including the adoption’s impact, can put you in a better position to pursue prosperous, mature relationships. 

It is alight to talk about  your adopption

Figuring out when and how to let your potential partner know about your past adoption can be nerve-wracking. There’s a balance between wearing your past on your sleeve and burying it inside like a dark family secret. Your adoption journey isn’t anything to be ashamed of, but it probably isn’t something you would put in your dating profile bio. Instead, an intensely personal struggle that has left its mark should be shared with someone you feel connected to. There comes a time in every relationship when partners willingly uncover the scars that made them who they are. Your adopted child is something your partner should know about if you hope to have a lasting relationship with them. Wait too long, and they could feel alienated by seemingly big secrets being kept from them. Then there’s the fear of scaring someone off by informing them of deeply sensitive information too early. 

Learning about a partner can be like reading a story out of order. Nobody lays out their life story on a first date but divulges bits and pieces based on questions received. Depending on your age, you could be asked whether you have kids. This could be an appropriate time to reveal your adoption experience. However, if you’re a younger birth mother, this isn’t as likely. It all comes back to trust and connection with your partner and want them to know about your experiences. There should be a desire on your part to inform them of important parts of your past. Nobody can tell you exactly how many dates or hours with them are needed to reach that point. If you don’t feel the desire to reveal your adoption experience, you probably need more time or a different person.

Who can you trust when dating after your adoption?

Dating after the adoption process can feel like going out for the first time all over again for birth mothers. You’re a different person than you were, and your perception of trustworthiness has likely changed. Perhaps your criteria have steepened, meaning you’re more careful about who you share your life with. Good listening, emotional literacy, and natural compassion are all traits to look for in a partner before sharing personal ordeals. You want to be sure they’ll be receptive to your experiences and how they have shaped you. Revealing your past adoption could alter their perception of you, and that’s ok. Trust is a feeling without a name or face; only you can decide if you’re ready to open up to your partner. 

If they have begun letting you in on their scars, it’s a good sign that you’ve earned their confidence. At that point, you’ll want to decide whether or not to share your adoption experience with this person. When telling them, establishing the context for your decision is a smart way to generate understanding. Knowing why you chose this path is just as important as them knowing what you’ve gone through. People can get hurt when significant aspects of their pasts are withheld for too long. Your adopted child is a piece of you, and a caring partner will choose to love that piece alongside you. Giving up your baby was no simple matter; someone who recognizes and appreciates that is a person to hold close. Remember, if you don’t think a potential partner can be trusted with this knowledge, you can always call it off. There will be more opportunities if your current one isn’t inspiring confidence. Don’t give up, and never settle for someone less than ideal for who you are. 

How your Texas adoption can be a new beginning

Hope is around every corner of struggle. What may have seemed like an unfortunate situation can be the springboard for a full life. Your adoption journey wasn’t part of the future you once had in mind, but that doesn’t mean happiness is out of reach. Life’s trials have given you more strength and insight to power your ambitions. There’s a world of potential partners waiting for you to explore when you’re ready. The fear of discussing your adoption experience is an obstacle you’ll be prepared to overcome given your past ordeals. Adoption Choices of Texas wants every birth mother to succeed post-adoption, and we have the resources to help. With adoption agencies in Houston, San Antonio, Dallas, Austin, and throughout Texas, there’s a premiere local adoption center near you. Let us care for your every unplanned pregnancy need according to your wishes. 

As an expectant woman or birth parent, to learn more about adoption, contact Adoption Choices of Texas. You can call us at 888-307-3340, text us at 888-307-3340, or email us here. If you are hoping to adopt, please visit us here. We look forward to helping you through your adoption journey!

Adoption Choices of Texas es la única agencia de adopción con servicios completamente en esapñol en el estado de Texas. Si está embarazada y necesita ayuda, llámenos o envíenos un mensaje de texto y uno de nuestros especialistas en adopción podrá ayudarlo. Podemos ayudarte con la adopcion de niños. Para obtener más información sobre el proceso de adopción como una mujer embarazada o una madre biológica, comuníquese con Adoption Choices of Texas. Para español llamar: 888-510-5029

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