Adoption: Who Should Raise My Child?
A Birth Mother’s Guide to Choosing Your Child’s Adoptive Parents
As you are going through your adoption journey, one of your biggest decisions will be choosing your child’s adoptive parents. This may seem like such a daunting task, because it will change several people’s lives. You may not even realize what you are exactly looking for when it comes to your child’s adoptive parents, but that’s okay. It’s important to remember that nobody is perfect, and there may not be anybody who fits all your desires, but that you will find the adoptive couple or individual who is right for you and your child.
Choosing who will raise your child is completely your choice. Your adoption caseworker will present you with the profiles of prospective adoptive parents who meet the requirements and preferences you may have. If you aren’t sure how to go about selecting the best adoptive parents for your child, here are some things to consider when envisioning what you’d like for your child’s future. .
Naturally, the first thing you are going to look at is the kind of life that the prospective adoptive parents live. Do they already have children? Pets? What kind of neighborhood do they live in? Do they value education? Are they religious? Are you open to consider single parent-households, LGBT or transracial adoptive parents?
Keep in mind that no two families are the same when it comes to their living situations or why they are choosing to adopt. If you have a specific preference regarding where you’d like your child to grow up, this can help you narrow down the options. For instance, do you want your child to live in a city or a small town?
How the prospective adoptive parents live their lives — whether they travel a lot or not — can also impact your decision. Maybe you imagined your child’s future life to be more steady and in the same town with the same friends their whole life. Yet, also remember that the way people live is ever-changing. The circumstances of them staying in one place could be that all their family there, but that changes as people and children start getting older. Lifestyles are not concrete, so it’s important to remember this when looking through the profiles as well.
This may be an important aspect of your decision-making process. You may not want your child to grow up in a different religious system. Or, on the flip side, you may not want them to grow in a strongly religious household at all. There is nothing wrong with this! It’s easier to connect to people when you share similar beliefs and values. It’s also a comfort to know those beliefs and values will be passed down to your child.
Each and every birth mother will feel differently about this, and that’s completely okay. While some may see it as a comfort, others may find it isolating and restricting. All that matters is that your child is in the best home for them, and grows up to be happy, healthy and loved.
Another thing you may consider is the prospective adoptive parents’ financial situation. Naturally, you want to make sure that your child is taken care of financially. But this doesn’t have to directly do with money either. Financial stability could also say a lot about what the adoptive parents do for work, and how dedicated they are to making sure all of their family’s needs are met.
This is a valid one. As you go through the profiles, maybe all the other requirements you are looking for are met. However, something inside of you just says, “No, this is not them.” There is nothing wrong with following that instinct. You don’t have to try to explain or even reason out why you feel that way.
If you have concerns or questions about why you might be feeling that way, you can always discuss it with your adoption caseworker. They are there for you, especially as you are choosing your child’s adoptive parents, and struggling to select the best fit. After all, the matching process can feel extremely overwhelming.
Don’t feel rushed or pressured to choose. There is no deadline. We understand that this is a decision that can’t — and shouldn’t — be taken lightly. Adoptive parents come from many walks of life and have their own journeys. Trust yourself and trust in the adoptive parents. This a journey for the two of you. They have questions for you, just as you have questions for them. Remember to not let standards become restrictions.
Choosing Your Child’s Adoptive Parents
Take the time to sit down and create a list of things that you would like to see, and things you absolutely do not want to see in a profile. Be sure to share that with your adoption caseworker. They are truly one of your best resources when it comes to your adoption journey and helping you determine what your child’s future may look like.
As overwhelming as this portion of your adoption journey may seem, though, you are doing amazing! You are taking the time to handpick the best adoptive parents for your child, and ensuring that your child will have the best life possible. That is no small feat! Remember not to rush yourself. Ask all questions and address any concerns you have upfront. This decision is completely up to you, but we are here to help in any way we can. Only make the decision once you know you can fully commit to it. We don’t want you to regret any part of your adoption journey, but have it be the most empowering and successful journey possible!
As an expectant woman or birth parent, to learn more about adoption, contact Adoption Choices of Texas. You can call us at 888-307-3340, text us at 888-307-3340, or email us here. If you are hoping to adopt, please visit us here. We look forward to helping you through your adoption journey!
Meet the Author: Courtney Moore was born in Huntington Beach, California. She is currently attending college for English with a minor in History. Her love for writing started at the age of 11 when she won a class competition for a personification of candy in a short story. In her junior year of high school, she was an editor for her school’s literary magazine. In her senior year of high school, her then English teacher told her that she should pursue a career as a literary scholar. The main reason she decided to not pursue that path is that her passions lied more in the creation of writings than the review of it.
She currently lives in Las Vegas with her very spoiled cat Abby, who she happily adopted from the local animal shelter. Courtney has been a supporter of animal adoptions her whole life.
Her interest in child adoptions began at the age of 14. It was at that age that she learned of how many children were in the foster system. Her own childhood was very unstable; however, she was able to stay with at least one of her parents for a majority of it. As she got older, her interests in adoptions grew. Her hopes are that, one day, the foster care system is fixed and is treated as it should be.