On their Facebook page, Adoptive Families asked their readers, If you have an open adoption, has it become more or less “open” over the years? We want to share their results to show you how each adoption journey is so unique.
“More! We met each other nearly 26 years ago, both scared of what was to come. We have became so close and the boys know and love her, too. Blessings abound!” —DEBRA
Historically, adoptions were closed and kept very secret. With open adoption becoming more accepted, more normal, we are seeing more and more adoption birth families and adoptee’s reuniting.
“We had a wonderful relationship, visiting and being visited by her and her daughter (our daughter’s half sister) once a year. She would always thank us and say she 100 percent felt that our daughter was our daughter…and then she fell off the face of the earth, with no explanation.” —ERICA
“We have a very open relationship with the birth mom’s family only, but not with the birth mom. This contact has stayed the same.” —HEATHER
“We are in year three of our open adoption and contact has stayed fairly consistent.” —MARY
Time has shown that open adoptions are the most healthy for adoptee’s and birth parents after placement.
“Less, per the birth mother’s choice. We now have a photo sharing site, and I post pictures frequently. This way, she can look whenever she wants and her email is not overtaken by emails from me. She decided that this is what works best for her right now. I’m praying that it will one day be more open again, with visits.” —SUZANNE
“Much less. It hurts my heart, but I trust her decision. I can’t in a million years understand what’s she’s going through. She needs to find her way.” —CARRIE
And sometimes the birth family decides to separate themselves from the adoption relationships. While this may be a hard reality to face, it can happen. We recently published What Happens When We Don’t Hear from the Birth Mother in which we explain that this is normal. Birth parents might pull away because they are “getting on with their lives.”
“We adopted from foster care three years ago. Our daughter hasn’t seen her birth mother in more than four years. In the last year, we’ve begun to have more social media contact with her birth mother and her extended family.” —TINA
Open adoption relationships change over time. Being aware of the emotional and psychological experiences of others can help prepare adoptive parents for the situations that come up in their relationship with their child’s birth mother. It’s also important to realize that neither party can fix the problems of the other. If there is serious conflict, it is critical that you seek a third party, like your adoption agency or adoption specialists to help everyone address the issues.
To discuss your open adoption options, contact of our specialists now!
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