You have chosen adoption for your child, a choice to give your baby the best chance at life by finding the perfect adoptive family. You might be feeling afraid or overwhelmed. It’s normal and we are here for you! If you have chosen to meet the adoptive family in person, be prepared. Here are some tips to consider when meeting the adoptive family for the first time.
1. Be Prepared
This wasn’t an easy decision to make for your child and you didn’t come to it lightly. For this reason alone, you will want to be prepared for your initial meeting with potential adoptive parents. Although it’s important to know their background and what made them turn to adoption, it’s also important for you to know what you want and why. The first meeting is a crucial one, and you are in the driver’s seat. YOU, alone, know what you want for your baby. This is your opportunity to find it. It is absolutely okay to be patient and vigil with every decision you make.
It may take awhile until you find the perfect family for your child. Be prepared and be okay with change when it happens. This kind of commitment is definitely important to have from the very beginning through the entire adoption process. It’s also okay to be flexible with what you want and need for your child and in your search of finding a family for them. Parts of this task may seem impossible while others are very simple. Adoption is not about being at ease or choosing the less bumpy road, it’s about making hard decisions which ultimately will be the right decisions for you, your child, and the family you find for them.
2. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
We’ve all heard this line, what someone does is more important than what they say. Actions show true intentions and feelings. It’s wise to pay attention to the gestures and actions of a couple you are meeting. Are they gentle and loving with one another? Were they willing to go that extra step? Did they travel from a further distance than you would have anticipated just to meet you? You want to have the feeling that nothing and no one will stand in their way of meeting you and getting to know you as a person and birth mother.
3. Consider Complex Topics – Appearances, Character, and Values
- Appearances are an important thing to consider. This may sound superficial or simplistic but it’s not. Of course what someone does or doesn’t look like may be an initial driving factor but try to look deeper. Do you like someone’s smile? Or the way they hold hands? Do the adoptive parents each pay attention to what the other is saying? Are they in tune with each other? All of this will give you some insight into what a potential adoptive family life might be like for your baby.
- Character is another crucial part to look at. Don’t be overly concerned with being charmed. Take a hard look at their character instead. What values are important to them? Are they willing to share them with you even if they differ from yours? Knowing someone will stand by their beliefs regardless of what others think or say is an incredibly important trait. Don’t be afraid to voice whatever personality traits are important to you. Character is far too important to compromise on.
- Talk about what is important to you. Whether it’s discipline, compassion, consistency etc., don’t hide them because you might be afraid they will be different from the adoptive parents. Talking about these things will give them an opportunity to know you better, and in turn will allow them to understand the kind of life you want for your baby.
4. Respect and Honesty from the beginning
Always be polite and respectful to someone you are meeting for the first time. However, it goes a little deeper than that. Do not be afraid to be from the first meeting forward. This will pave the way for a mutual understanding and wonderful relationship. Being open and honest goes hand in hand with being respectful. If you find yourself afraid to voice a concern or particular belief to the adoptive parents you are meeting then you are not being fair or respectful to them or yourself. Respect through open and honest communication is important from beginning to end and will make your journey an easier one.
5. Be Resolved
Before the first meeting has been planned resolve yourself to be strong and steadfast with your desires. Especially with the hard topics. Figure out what it is you want for your child and hold fast to it, even if it differs from others. Adoption as a possibility is not a decision you came to lightly. Being open and honest may not always be easy but it will be extremely important as you travel down this road with your baby.
If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy or have decided that adoption is the right choice for you, Adoption Choices of Texas is ready to help! Call our Expectant Parent Hotline (24/7): 855-304-4673 (HOPE) or use our contact form to email us.