3 Tips to Keep in Mind When Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child

Writing can be a very effective and powerful way to express our emotions, especially the complicated feelings you might have surrounding your child. In fact, writing can often provide us with a therapeutic outlet, whether we are actively writing or receiving a letter. There are many reasons why you may be thinking about writing a letter to your birth child, but you may be wondering: Where do I start?

If you are considering writing a letter to your birth child, Adoption Choices of Texas wants you to feel supported and informed on every step of your adoption journey. We understand that adoption can be a difficult process, but we are here to support you both during and after your pregnancy and adoption journey.

If you need help with adoption now, you can call us at 945-444-0333, text us at 945-444-0333, or email us here.

• Don’t Worry about Grammar or Conventions

The process of putting thought to paper can be very difficult, especially if you are overly concerned with grammar or what your writing should look like. The good news is that there is a very simple answer to this problem: don’t worry about it! It is okay if your letter is not perfect. In fact, this can even make your letter more authentic, as it shows you are more concerned with expressing your actual emotions. 

It is also important to refrain from editing a sentence immediately after completing it. When you engage in this practice, you are much more likely to become discouraged by your efforts and lose touch with your thoughts and feelings. Remember, when you are writing to your birth child, there is no set structure or process. The most important thing is that you stay true to yourself and express your emotions honestly.

• It is Okay to have Complex Emotions

Placing a child for adoption is an extremely emotional process, and it is okay for your child to see this. Explain to him or her that you chose adoption in the hopes that they would have a better life, and that you still love them just as much. Showing your emotions in this way will make your letter honest and vulnerable, and may even create a deeper connection between you and your child.

That said, be sure to not speak negatively about the adoption process, your child’s adoptive parents, or any circumstances surrounding your child’s birth. While it is okay to express sorrow for not being able to raise him or her, there is no need to share the specifics on what led you to make such a difficult decision. It is enough to remind your child that he or she is loved without burdening them with unnecessary information.

• Be Truthful to Yourself and Your Child

The most important part of writing a letter to your birth child is to be honest. This does not mean that you should tell him or her everything, but you should truthfully explain what you are comfortable sharing. Don’t simply repeat what you have been told to say, but use your own words to express yourself to your child. Your letter should reflect something about who you are, so that your child can build a more personal relationship with you.

At this point, you could also include some personal details about yourself and your family – your interests and hobbies, any details about your immediate family, and maybe some information on your child’s father as well. It is important not to share any negative feelings towards your family or your child’s father, however — especially any bitterness surrounding your child’s birth and adoption. Simply tell him or her about your family, and maybe even include a picture, so that your child can know where he or she came from.

Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child

If you have placed a child for adoption and are wanting to reach out, writing a letter can be a great first step towards building a relationship with your child. At Adoption Choices of Texas, we understand that this can be a difficult and intimidating task, but we are here to support you on every step of your adoption journey.

As an expectant woman or birth parent, to learn more about adoption, contact Adoption Choices of Texas. You can call us at 945-444-0333, text us at 945-444-0333, or email us here. If you are hoping to adopt, please visit us here. We look forward to helping you through your adoption journey!

Meet the Author: Jennie Knuppel is a student at the University of Texas at Austin studying English Literature. She is currently enrolled in the English Honors Program, for which she is writing a thesis in comparative literature prior to graduating in the spring of 2022. Jennie has previously taken courses in literature and both creative and technical writing, and she spent four years working in her high school’s journalism department. 

Jennie is also currently working as a barista, and, in her free time, she enjoys reading and spending time with her family and pets.